4/21/2010

Musical Inspirations to Write a Hit Fucking Children Television Show Episode to

*This post has a lot of video embeddings so if you are using a reader they may not show up and you have to go to the site instead. What a fuck do I no?

What up. So I have my Tickets for Iron Man 2-D 3-D: The Dark Night on IMAX for April 29 at 12:30PM and also I am taking Emmanuel to see The Ghost this Friday so I will have some sweet fucking shit movie reviews for you very soon. In a mean time I am to write two episodes of a popular children television show here on a Belarusian Broadcasting Corporation to make so much money and make my sons stars.

So I have not much to write for you. So I think "What can I write for you?" And then I remember that I break so many of my rules this week and review a TV show and pretend I have a dream that I read a biography of Howard Huge one time and also hypothetically recommend reading "Manhood for Amateurs" by Michael Chabon as a joke and so a only rule I do not break yet is talking about music.

(Some people email me and say I forget video games and comics and I say "fuck off nerds" because thats kid shit and this site is for a grown ups)

Like I say I am writing somethings that are very important as a job but sometimes even when you are such a great and famous writer as me it is so hard to start writing. This is probably very shocking for you to read. But it is true. So what I like to do to get me so excited to write is listen to all the best music and like I say before that is Ace of Base, Sarina Paris, Alice DJ, and Technotronics. But one time I was at a kareoke and I sing "Smack My Bitch Up" by The Prodigy like I always do and a DJ whose name is Satan say "Do you no there is so much music made after a year 2000?" And I say "No." And he say "Do you want me to show you?" And I dont no what to do so I say "okay".

And he play so much fucking music that blows my fucking mind.

Like did you no that you can make music without using a computers? Yes, I thought this was a lie as well but it is not. There are things called instruments that people blow and stroke and make music and most of these people are so gay and such a bitch but sometimes very rarely they are not. And these ones make music even better than Ace of Base... I am serious!!!

So I listen to this music and it puts so many pictures in my head like a movies and then I can write.

Before we start... this is what I listen to every morning when I wake up just to get me ready for the 24 hour beating Im about to take in the fucking battle that is life...

Are you ready now? Im ready!

When I am to write for children I like to start with something like this because it make me feel like I am to walk into such a magic place where so much cool shit is about to happen...


Then it is time to turn that shit up because kids have so much energy and like to get fucking hyped...


That last song has so much energy and energy is good but it is also good to relax a little so this is like Chimay for your ears...


And so you are feeling kind of drunk now and you go to a dark places when you are drunk and that is good sometimes because a world is not always bright and shiny and children need to learn this and that is why all the moms and dads die at a beginning of Disney movies so this song kills all the parents...

That was from the best album of 2009 "200 Million Thousand" by the Black Lips which is there prediction of how much Avatar movie would make and of course they were right. The album is so good but I cannot post all of the songs so here are some more to help you see that you need to illegally download this album now because its like if Quentin Tarantino made music with people getting hit in the head with guitars instead of movies with people getting hit in the head with baseball bats
The Drop I Hold - Black Lips
Short Fuse - Black Lips

Then I like to pick things up again with a woman who used to be a daughter in Troop Beverly Hills movie and is also the best concert I have been to in so long...


Maybe you need romantic inspiration for your childrens writing and nothing is more romantic or sensual than Usher...


By this time your wife is going to ask "What a fuck you are doing dancing naked in a living room? I thought you were writing" So now it is time to put on some music that with scare your wife away. This song works everytime for me and also I love it...


Now is time to lighten things up so that your writing does not make all the children want to commit suicide but also you want your wife to stay out of the room so this song is the perfect way to do that...


Uh oh maybe your wife is thinking it is safe to come back in because that song is not so bad to her. You need to send a clear message that it is not okay and this song will annoy her so much to make her leave the house but is also very creative and will maybe bring out the child in you...


So the kid in you is awake and dancing and you want to keep it that way and normally you would put in Kimya Dawsons "Remember That I Love" but mother fucking Juno stole all the songs from your dreams and you wallow in your inability to ever act on your inspiration before someone else inevitably puts something similar into the world - so you listen to this instead and hope it will paint pictures of other writers and artists putting guns to their heads and pulling the trigger so no one can rob you of your dreams ever again...

(That's Laura Marling who has a new album out now that you should also illegally download now)

Now it is time to get to work and you send yourself off with something to get the blood flowing again to your boners and what better music than this? It is like a Iron Maiden song performed by actors and also is from a play that Matt Stone and Trey Parker are obviously heavily influenced by. And who writes better things for little children to watch than those two?

And that is why all of your children have the middle name "24601"

So now you're ready to write what will be the next "Igor the Explorer" hit kid TV show. Remember... when movies and music mix amazing things happen...


Very amazing things...





It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer!

2 comments:

Downtown said...

the nina, the pinta, the santa maria.... good music for my ears to make boners to.

Nikolai said...

Dear Mister Downtown,
Nachos, Lemonheads, My dads boat... You are the male Mariah Carreys of comments that give me boners so hard and heavy they float