5/08/2010

"Four Lions" Flys Planes Full of Laughter Into My Twin Towers of Boners

Do you no what is not funny at all?

Terrorism

But do you no what is a so funny subject of a movie "Four Lions"?

Terrorism

WMC? I no. I no. So confusing.

If I had not failed and instead graduate from kindergarden and gone on to all the other grades and eventually go to University I think I would have had a major in Religion. And after I graduated people would ask me all the times "Are you going to become a priests?" And I will always say "No because I major in Religion not in becoming a priests you stupid fuck!" But that didnt not happen so that is beside a point.

People are so ignorant of religion... even most of the people who are a part of whatever religion you are talking about. And so in my attempt to not be such a hypocrite I might study the religion of my parents (Catholicism) and find such a sweet Bible quotes to use in movie reviews. Like this one...

"Do not fear those who can kill the body and then have no more power over you. I will tell you whom to fear. Fear him who has power to destroy both body and soul in Hell." Matthew 10:28

This verse is saying that you should not be afraid of anyone except God because if you piss Him off then he will fucking crush you like Dolph Lungrens in The Rock IV. This reminds me so much of "Four Lions" because it is a movie that takes something many people are so afraid of and makes us laugh at them to not be afraid anymore. Sweet! Then there is this one...

"The Devil, like a roaring lion, is going through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Resist him, steadfast in the faith." 1 Peter 5:8

This also reminds me of this movie because it has the word "lion" in it. And did you no "Four Lions" title has the word "lion" in it as well? It is true. But in the Bible verse it is to describe the devil and so I am like "Oh shit this movie title could be like "Four Devils"!" So then I make this poster with the four most evil and terrifying devils of all time...


Yes, you have guessed it: Sarahs Silverman, Anderson Coopers 360, Rosie O'Donnell Monster, and Dane Cook - the guardians of the four quadrants of Hell

So "Four Lions" is about how even people we are so scared of are not really all that terrifying after all and are even kind of stupid fucks just like us and maybe even so much that we should feel sorry for them because they dont even no what the fuck they are doing. Like when Jesus is on the cross and telling God to forgive all the Jews because they dont no what the fuck they are doing but then Mel Gibsons is like "Shut up Jesus! You dont no what you are talking about. There is no way God should forgive them!"

The story is about three Arab guys and one white guy who are Terrorists because they are Muslim and think that is the best way to get to Heaven. And they come up with a plan to blow people up (and themselves) to be martyrs and hilarious things ensue! The white terrorist who should win all the Oscars comes up with a plan that is so fucking evil and genius and it make you think about 9/11 a little bit maybe.

I no that is such a short descriptions and you might be like "this fuck didnt even not see the movie" but I did and so did Emmanuel who go to the parent/baby screening with me and you can ask him. The reason I do not want to tell you more is because this is a comedy and many of the funny parts are in the shit that happens and I do not want to ruin the jokes for you but trust me. It is so funny. Many people who do not no any Arab Muslims (Americans) may think this movie is so fake but I can tell you that it is not so fake. My friend from work Walid is a Muslim who is always telling me about Islam and promise me that when the Muslims decide to take over Europe that he will make sure they will not kill my family and these characters are almost exactly what he is like. They mean well. They really do - but are so misguidanced. And then the news makes everyone think they are evil crazy killers but they are not but then people tend to live up to expectations and this movie examines that but I dont no what that means because I heard someone so smart say it when they were walking out.

There is so much to be said about this movie and so many analyzings to be done but by people way more smarter than me. All I will say is that you should go see it because it is so fucking funny and its like if Ali G take all of his characters and make them into terrorists to blow people up in a movie.

This movie is very British. But I love British things and I love to stick my boners in them (did you no my wife Snehzana is British?). And this movie is something I think all people should stick there boners in because it is very unique and very brave as well because it is so obvious that all the Muslims are going to kill everyone involved. Because my wife is half-British but also half Iranian... that mean she is half-terrorist (this will mean different things to different people) and so when I tell my mother-in-law who is the Iranian half about this movie she grab her AK-47 and weapons grade uranium from the closet and go to find all of the actors and costume designers because "fuck those infidels!" (her words not mine).

So yes, this movie is very funny but also very serious and would make someone not allergic to thinking like I am think very much about things.

"Two Boners Way Up!"©

1 comment:

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